Insecure Writers' Support Group (IWSG) is a
really awesome meme that you should be doing along with the rest of us
writers. Unless you truly are happy with your writing and don't feel the
need to vent about your insecurities because they don't exist for you. But, really.... Don't they?
IWSG is hosted by Captain Ninja Alex at his blog, Alex J. Cavanaugh.
I know it's been months since I've been regularly publishing blog posts, but I'm still alive! I've been writing, just like I said I was going to for my New Year's Resolution post. Since I made it a very easy-to-follow resolution, it's been 'cake' keeping up with it. I pretty much write everyday, although, because I get so far out ahead of my word count pace, I can afford to take some days off. It's pretty cool, and I've never been able to get myself to stick with a regular writing plan before, until now. So, I'm very happy with that. *silently celebrates*
But, of course, I still have insecurities. Lots of them. Too many, like what do I blog about on a writing blog as an unpublished author? Since I can't ever come up with anything to blog about, hence my most recent post being published back in January, I just rarely do anymore. What is there to even say? "Hey guys, I'm writing.... Writing still.... Still writing.... Thought y'all might be dying to know I'm STILL WRITING." Uh... I just don't think anyone really wants to know about my boring life so badly.
Anyway, besides all this anxiety and angst over blog writing, I've been having serious issues with being able to fathom publishing my horrid stories. I typically never finish any of them, but that's sort of why I don't. Because I know they will be read by real super mean people one day, and because of how bad they are, those people will either lose all respect for me, or tear me a new one for deigning to make them waste a few hours of their life on my drivel.
On top of that, this anxiety is the kind that keeps me awake all night. I'm not exaggerating about that. When I write something I intend to publish one day, I get insomnia really bad. Like, REALLY BAD. The kind that will kill you if it even keeps up for a full week. The kind that makes you go insane for real. So, you can see how averse I am to finishing anything I write.
This, naturally, makes me ponder, "What is my life?" I can't be an author for a living as per my dream if this keeps up. Should I just quit? Probably. But, I thought about different scenarios of not quitting, and the only thing that seemed to greatly relieve my anxiety was the idea of publishing under a pen name. Yes. Because I can't put crap into this world with readers knowing it came from me (and, no, I don't write erotica, or anything like that. I just write crappy YA that embarrasses me). I do think I'll be able to do it so long as they believe me to be someone who doesn't actually exist.
I think one day, after years and years more of writing, I might be able to write books that don't make me or other people cringe, but, in the meantime, I can make a few bucks a month off some unsuspecting readers who either don't mind reading low-quality crap, or who just won't realize what they've gotten themselves into until it's too late. I'll keep the costs of producing the books very, very low and just see what happens. I know plenty of books have fared surprisingly well and are worse than mine. Might as well do it and see what it's like to be able to sleep at night, again.
So, assuming I actually do this in the future, I'll mention it, but won't let any of you know what the books' titles will be, nor the name I'll be using to publish them under. Unless you are going to be helping me edit the stories (although, they aren't going to be painstakingly edited), I need to keep everyone's awareness of my connection to them at a strict minimum.
Drastic times call for drastic measures. I'm sorry to those who will hate me for inflicting more crap onto the self-publishing world, but there's no law against doing it and sometimes, even those bad authors make a buck or two. That extra income will be very helpful as I've got credit card debt to get rid of. In a perfect world, I'd be writing at the level I want to be right now and publishing best sellers, but we all know that quantum reality is just too out-of-phase for me to reach. Someday, though. Maybe someday.
Have you ever published under a pen name? If so, why and how was your experience with it?