Insecure Writers' Support Group (IWSG) is a
really awesome meme that you should be doing along with the rest of us
writers. Unless you truly are happy with your writing and don't feel the
need to vent about your insecurities because they don't exist for you. But, really.... Don't they?
IWSG is hosted by Captain Ninja Alex at his blog, Alex J. Cavanaugh.
IWSG is hosted by Captain Ninja Alex at his blog, Alex J. Cavanaugh.
I know it's been months since I've been regularly publishing blog posts, but I'm still alive! I've been writing, just like I said I was going to for my New Year's Resolution post. Since I made it a very easy-to-follow resolution, it's been 'cake' keeping up with it. I pretty much write everyday, although, because I get so far out ahead of my word count pace, I can afford to take some days off. It's pretty cool, and I've never been able to get myself to stick with a regular writing plan before, until now. So, I'm very happy with that. *silently celebrates*
But, of course, I still have insecurities. Lots of them. Too many, like what do I blog about on a writing blog as an unpublished author? Since I can't ever come up with anything to blog about, hence my most recent post being published back in January, I just rarely do anymore. What is there to even say? "Hey guys, I'm writing.... Writing still.... Still writing.... Thought y'all might be dying to know I'm STILL WRITING." Uh... I just don't think anyone really wants to know about my boring life so badly.
Anyway, besides all this anxiety and angst over blog writing, I've been having serious issues with being able to fathom publishing my horrid stories. I typically never finish any of them, but that's sort of why I don't. Because I know they will be read by real
On top of that, this anxiety is the kind that keeps me awake all night. I'm not exaggerating about that. When I write something I intend to publish one day, I get insomnia really bad. Like, REALLY BAD. The kind that will kill you if it even keeps up for a full week. The kind that makes you go insane for real. So, you can see how averse I am to finishing anything I write.
This, naturally, makes me ponder, "What is my life?" I can't be an author for a living as per my dream if this keeps up. Should I just quit? Probably. But, I thought about different scenarios of not quitting, and the only thing that seemed to greatly relieve my anxiety was the idea of publishing under a pen name. Yes. Because I can't put crap into this world with readers knowing it came from me (and, no, I don't write erotica, or anything like that. I just write crappy YA that embarrasses me). I do think I'll be able to do it so long as they believe me to be someone who doesn't actually exist.
I think one day, after years and years more of writing, I might be able to write books that don't make me or other people cringe, but, in the meantime, I can make a few bucks a month off some unsuspecting readers who either don't mind reading low-quality crap, or who just won't realize what they've gotten themselves into until it's too late. I'll keep the costs of producing the books very, very low and just see what happens. I know plenty of books have fared surprisingly well and are worse than mine. Might as well do it and see what it's like to be able to sleep at night, again.
So, assuming I actually do this in the future, I'll mention it, but won't let any of you know what the books' titles will be, nor the name I'll be using to publish them under. Unless you are going to be helping me edit the stories (although, they aren't going to be painstakingly edited), I need to keep everyone's awareness of my connection to them at a strict minimum.
Drastic times call for drastic measures. I'm sorry to those who will hate me for inflicting more crap onto the self-publishing world, but there's no law against doing it and sometimes, even those bad authors make a buck or two. That extra income will be very helpful as I've got credit card debt to get rid of. In a perfect world, I'd be writing at the level I want to be right now and publishing best sellers, but we all know that quantum reality is just too out-of-phase for me to reach. Someday, though. Maybe someday.
Have you ever published under a pen name? If so, why and how was your experience with it?
Maygrove is a pen name. so yes. I did it because my real surname didn't sound good, except for with my initials, which was gender-neutral and not good for marketing romance.
ReplyDeleteI have considered publishing under a different pen name for different genres and for my first books that aren't horrible, but may not be as well received as my debut. We do what we must. Publishing wisely with reader reaction and savvy marking in mind is smart, not deceptive.
Good luck! :)
IWSG #134 until Alex culls the list again.
@Melissa: Thanks for sharing your own experience! I don't feel so bad about using a pen name to completely obscure my identity. We authors do what we must!
DeleteI totally understand the fear that you have! I started my blog with my nickname Dee because it's not as identifiable as Delali. (Bet you've never seen that name before.) There's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and seeing how you do, but in the process, keep learning more about the writing craft. Your YA might not be as bad as you think. But even if it is, there's nowhere to go but up!
ReplyDelete@Dee: You're right! I've never heard of your name before, but it's very pretty. I think my YA is probably not the worst, but it's not up to my personal standards and makes me cringe. Can't be a good sign, but I still think it could do moderately well, and, like you said, I have nowhere to go, but up!
DeleteI published a few books under the name "Steven King." It worked pretty well, kinda like that terrible film studio that make knock-off blockbuster movies.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I have a slush pile of stuff I'm tempted to just dump onto Amazon and see if I can make a few bucks off of, but is it worth it in the long run? Personally I'm always a fan of eating...
@C.D. Gallant-King: Wow! That pen name is great--only difference from "the King" is how you spell "Steven" rather than "Stephen." The power of a name is truly great and I, too, am a fan of eating. We do what we must, right?
DeleteI added my maiden name as a tribute to my dad, who passed away 25 years before I was published. That's a whole other story, suffice to say you don't write because you need to be published. Being published is just a side effect. You write because writing is who you are. You're not alone, Cathy.
ReplyDelete@Joylene: Thanks very much. I do identify with being a writer and would write regardless of whether or not I was getting published.
DeleteThere is a freedom to publishing under a pen name. I've been toying with the idea to create a pen name for the contemporary works I have in mind. I'd like to keep them separate from my speculative fiction ones, but I haven't decided one way or the other. And I've read a bit of your work and don't think you write crap.
ReplyDelete@Cherie: Yeah, that freedom is really tempting and could help alleviate some serious anxiety for me. I know it's just a personal problem of mine, but I might need to do it for those reasons. If you ever decide to publish under a pen name, then I'd support you! Perhaps it might be a good idea, after all.
DeleteHaven't used a pen name yet, because I still have yet to finish a story myself. Although I guess ChemistKen is kind of like a pen name. If you're worried about your stories, find some crit partners and get their opinions. Hopefully none of them will be mean. :)
ReplyDelete@Ken: I have long since found critique partners and such, so that is not an issue for me. But, even so, a writer doesn't automatically become a fabulous author just because they have people helping to correct them. I still need lots of experience, as well, and no amount of critique partners is going to make up for that. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteI doubt you write crap!
ReplyDeleteJust keep writing. You keep coming back to it, so you were meant to do it.
@Alex: Well, you haven't read my work, so you never know. ;) Thanks for the encouragement, Alex!
DeleteA wonderful Aussie children's writer, Margaret Clarke, who was known and loved by Australian kids, started writing horror fiction for children under the name Lee Striker. I don't know if it was her publishers' idea or hers, but the idea was to have her books next to those of R.L Stine on the bookshop shelves. It didn't work. The kids knew what they liked. In the end, they had to write on the covers "Margaret Clarke writing as Lee Striker."
ReplyDeleteI have sometimes considered writing under a pen name because let's face it, nobody can spell my name let alone pronounce it. But like Joylene, I kept my own name as tribute to my father, because he was so very proud of me and always harassing bookshop owners to place my books in the window and his friends to buy them for their grandchildren. Now he's gone I have all the more reason. But my surname doesn't help. And it doesn't get me speaker engagements.
Cathy, just get on with the publishing. But self publishing is not for the faint hearted and it's not for anyone who doesn't know how to make business of it. Try submitting. You may be pleasantly surprised. In my capacity as an editor of Andromeda Spaceways I recently published a lady who had self published until then. She was very good. It won't hurt her career either way to be able to say that someone was prepared to pay her for the privilege of publishing her writing. And she knows now she can do it, even if she never does it again.
If you're writing YA I would suggest you make friends with your local school librarian and English teachers and ask them if their students are interested in reading your MSS.
@Sue: I actually intend to self-publish no matter what, as that really is the smartest and best way for me to publish my work. I have no intention of sitting around waiting to be "chosen" because, odds are, that won't ever happen and I'll quit long before it can happen. Since, in this day and age, we don't NEED to wait around to be hand-picked by a group of greedy, delusional fools who will take all our rights away from us and give us scraps in return, I simple decline to do so. I'll take a bigger piece of the pie that I made myself, thank you very much. :)
DeleteOh, dear, I don't think my lovely publishers would like being called greedy delusional fools! :-( Nobody takes ALL your rights away unless you let them. So-called "traditional publishers" don't generally do that. I have been ripped off once by a very small press run by a woman called Jo Scott, who commissioned several education books and then couldn't pay for them, but we got our rights back, even if we did waste our time on the writing.
DeleteI'm still being paid royalties for an education book published twelve years ago. And the publishers took all the risks and spent all the money to put my book out there - all I had to do was write the thing and edit it on instruction. the thing to do is not wait to be chosen but to try someone else if you can't sell.
Anyway, up to you. If you're going to self publish, do it. :-) And good lck.
@Sue: Well, if the name fits.... But, thank you, I will self-publish and happily so.
DeleteI've pubbed under 4 pen names, so obviously I believe in it. lol It sounds like you're writing in a vacuum with no crit partners or group to support you. I pubbed 9 short stories before I wrote Soul Cutter and changed my pen name. I never would have pubbed anything without the help of a crit group I've been with since 2009. Three of us got agented in the last 2 years, and 2 aren't agented yet, but won Writer's Conference awards. They wouldn't have been able to do that without the group either. So if you're serious about pubbing, why not try to whip those things into shape by getting into a crit group? Whatever you do, I wish you super good luck! :)
ReplyDelete@Lexa: I honestly do have a small critique group, but I don't get anything done enough to share my work with them most of the time. Of course, I intend to get their help, but I'm just really picky about my work and don't see it as good enough to publish, even with critique help. There's only so much critique partners can do to help.
DeleteBut, I didn't know about your 4 pen names! It seems like pen names are more commonly used than I thought, so I feel better about using one now.
Clearly pen names are working for the authors who have used them so I say jump in there! I'm in the market for a good pen name too for when I decide to do the same thing as you and just throw anything out there and hope that it makes a few dollars. No shame in that at all. Besides, should the pen name book you write turn out to be a next bestseller there's nothing stopping you from owning up to it :) The publishing world is changing and I think it's your willingness to move with it and innovate that will eventually make you successful. If this is the way that you see yourself publishing without anxiety than you should definitely go for it.
ReplyDelete@Lan: Thanks, Lan! I'm so amazed at how many authors actually do use pen names, sometimes quite a few per author. I don't have to feel so weird about doing it, since it's a pretty common practice in the publishing world. I'm so much more excited to go through with this! :D
Delete