Wednesday, June 7, 2017

IWSG: The I've Tried to Quit Many Times and Failed Edition... (#28)



Insecure Writers' Support Group (IWSG) is a really awesome meme that you should be doing along with the rest of us writers. Unless you truly are happy with your writing and don't feel the need to vent about your insecurities because they don't exist for you. But, really.... Don't they?  
IWSG is hosted by Captain Ninja Alex at his blogAlex J. Cavanaugh.



This month's IWSG question is, "Did you ever say, 'I quit'? If so, what made you come back to writing?"

I have to laugh at this question because I've tried to quit writing so many times over the last twenty years, it's better to just drop the first part of the question altogether. I've been a very insecure writer for a very long time. I remember about ten years ago giving it up completely to become an 'artist,' but, after a year of even MORE struggle and toil (as if it could get any worse), I started writing again and realized it was so much easier than drawing people and things realistically.

But, again, I tried to quit only a few years ago because I was a silly newbie writer (was still in that newbie phase, which lasted a significant number of years) who conflated how I felt about writing a particular novella with how good the novella was. Or, I just didn't even think about it's quality. I don't even know, but I got some supremely harsh feedback that was honestly inappropriate and needlessly rude, and proceeded to metaphorically fling myself off my writing roof.

Only for a few weeks or so, though, did I quit before I was back to it, again. So, that lovely former critique partner didn't succeed in whittling down the competition, after all. Although, I was forever changed by such a blindsided hit, but it was a good change, as I can see now. It certainly woke me up to how truly crappy of a writer I was at the time (perhaps, still am).

I proceeded to go through a difficult phase of writing that probably every creative person goes through, which is flipping HATING the thing you used to love doing the most. Writing was no longer fun and it was then that I had the best reason to truly throw in the towel. But, nay. I still persisted because I've got nothing else to do. That works for stick-to-it-tiv-ness, right?

I guess I just wanted to see if there was actual light at the end of that dark tunnel. You hear how there is always supposed to be, and you just hope against all hope that other people are right. I do now see that they were right, after all. I have finally come out of the dark tunnel, or am coming out of it, anyway. I'm phasing into a stage where I am learning to do things with my writing that I always wanted to be able to do, but didn't know how. It's great! And it's FUN to write, again. I love it! Now I remember how it felt to be writing ten years ago when I thought I knew what I was doing and didn't really.

I also now highly suspect the true reason behind why I struggle to finish the novels I start writing. It's because I was always able to see how I wanted to write them, but wasn't able to do it at the time, and thus, would not be able to finish them. I guess I'm just too objective about my own writing and can see how bad it is and how it's not living up to my standards. The only solution is to learn how to write up to my standards, so I'm trying to do that now.

So, that's my long-winded story. What's yours? You a quitter like me, but keep getting back on that horse because horses don't ride themselves?

39 comments:

  1. I like that comment about knowing what you wanted to write but not knowing how to do it. I feel that way sometimes, too. I have a great idea in my head but it just won't translate to paper/screen. I don't know if it's just not a good idea or if I'm not doing something right. But as we learn and get better, we figure out how to transfer those good ideas more effectively.

    IWSG June

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    1. I probably still don't know how to do everything I want with my writing, but I'm starting to understand how to do some things that were not connecting for me before. It's all about sticking to it until you do figure it out someday.

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  2. Hi Kathy, I took a creative writing course when I started writing. My tutor sent my first story back covered in red-inked corrections and criticisms. It was brutal and heartbreaking! I cried for hours afterward. I love that you've come back to writing. Nothing quite beats that excitement and love of creating.

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    1. Sorry Cathy, I spelled your name with a K!

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    2. Wow, I do relate to that! At least you have that experience once and, usually, never again. So, rest easy because that sort of shock will never have to be experienced a second time (at least not for your writing).

      P.S. Don't worry about misspelling my name. Happens all the time!

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  3. Love it! I remember that magical moment when I realized I could manipulate the words, story and characters, rather than them pushing me into their corners and boxing me in. Wow. It's amazing to expand your abilities, eh? Here's to growing, progressing, and ever becoming better!

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    1. Hey, that's a good way of putting it. Maybe it's a sign of not having a lot of experience when you feel your characters/stories are getting away from you. But, you've got it under control now, so that's awesome!

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  4. Seeing how bad my writing is sometimes definitely makes me want to quit at times. The only thing that keeps me going is going back over my older writing and realizing that I'm much better at it now than I used to be. One day I'll actually be good at it. So put away the self doubt and just write.

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    1. That's a great thing you do, Ken, going back to old writing and seeing that you are growing as a writer. I don't do that much at all, but it's something I will have to start doing more. It helps knowing you are growing, after all, when you need confidence to keep writing until you get decent at it.

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  5. My horse gets a lot of practice with my on and off, then on again self. But it's recognizing that when I do climb out of the saddle, I most generally don't mean it. I just need a butt rest. :-)

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    1. That's too funny! Sometimes, you just need some fresh air when you're getting cabin fever, to use yet another metaphor. I probably should stop now....

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  6. You found that happy spot again. Now you're both excited and armed with knowledge. Write on!

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    1. Good pun! ("Write on!") I am finally loving to write again after about 5 years of pretty much hating it. I'm so shocked I didn't quit, actually.

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  7. Cathy, yes! This is me! I have these ridiculous standards for books and realized I'd never be able to live up to them. If I couldn't love and be proud of what I was writing then I'd give up. And give up I did. Sadly, I haven't found the strength to try again. Kudos to you for persisting.

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    1. I didn't even realize I was doing this, but now I know. It's good to know so I can get better and even allow some early drafts to be crap, if need be. It's better than never finishing anything.

      I hope you do find it in yourself to return to writing again, someday, Jenny! It is very hard, but worth it in the end when you ARE writing up to your own standards. The euphoria! You can't get there without practice, so just stick to it. It's like stumbling around in a dark forest, but one day, when you least expect it, the sky gets lighter and the sun rises.

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  8. This is my first time here. I've followed your blog and tried to connect on twitter and G+ but they didn't work. I sent a friend note on Goodreads.

    I still think all writers go through what you did while trying to create worthy stories. The important skill to remember is that critiques are only other people's reactions and thoughts on your story. It is always your story. Use the comments that you feel are helpful to YOUR story. That's what I try to do. All the luck with your writing.

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    1. Hi, Victoria! Welcome to my blog. (I love your name, btw. Such a strong female name.) I don't have a Twitter account and I'm not active on G+ because I don't totally understand the platform. It's just too weird for me, but I love Goodreads and I did accept for friend invite!

      That's such a beautiful and elegant way of putting it. I hope all writers go through what I've been going through, just so I'm not alone. Back when I received the harsh critique, I didn't understand what you're saying, how it was just the critiquer's reaction to my story and not necessarily indicative of its worth. It was about five years ago, but I do understand that now, thankfully. Thanks for explaining it in such a great way I never would have been able to.

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  9. Glad that it was only a metaphorical roof. I've been up there a time or two. Keep going, you're only getting better!

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    1. Yeah, it wasn't a real roof. But, you know the feeling, at least. Thanks for dropping by!

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  10. I think when someone tells you your writing is terrible it's really hard to want to work on it again, even if you do love it. I've definitely experienced that. But you just have to trust your gut and keep working on it.

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    1. I agree. You have to let the sting pass and get back to it if it truly is something you love to do. It doesn't matter if one person hates your writing because someone else might like it.

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  11. Good on you for sticking with writing after the brutal feedback. That certainly is a learning curve. Welcome to the group Cathy!

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    1. Thank you! It's not easy to deal with that sort of thing, but it is something probably every author goes through or should. It's a growing experience for sure.

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  12. I totally hear you on "becoming and artist" rather than a writer as I find myself thinking in pictures. I ended up illustrating my own children's book and I am thinking about making my next book an adults' picture books.

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    1. That's really cool! I'm not a good or very natural artist, so the endeavor didn't work out for me, but it's great when someone can do both art and writing well. Good luck with your adults' picture book!

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  13. Kudos for you for hanging in there, Cathy! I don't believe in giving brutal feedback, but I've had it and it can be quite motivating at times. I struggle with doubts all the time. You just have to write the next word regardless. Good luck with your writing this month!

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    1. Thanks! I wish YOU were one of my critique partners, seeing as how you don't believe in giving brutal feedback. I think if someone does like it, then knock yourself out, but it should never be assumed anyone will like it. Some people are just very strange. I agree that you have to write the next word, as you said. Great way of putting it. Thanks for your well-wishes, and good luck to you, too!

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  14. Horses don't ride themselves; how true. It's hard to find that happy medium of knowing when your work it good or at least good enough, but when you do...wow!

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    1. Yes, it's true. It's good to have a real confidence instead of totally lacking it or just having a false confidence. I think I'm gaining a real confidence, at least.

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  15. I never wanted to be anything but a writer and on the upside, I'm not much of an artist, so there was never a fall-back plan. Keep on going - don't they say the only way to fail is to quit?

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    1. I don't have a fall-back plan, either, so quitting being a writer isn't going to work for me, even if I get upset from time to time. I just have to stick with it, anyway, until it gets better, which it finally is.

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  16. Very interesting. I don't usually hear that writers are objective about their writing, so it's fantastic that you are. That means you're open to all kinds of learning and growing. Frustration does come with the job as does unfinished manuscripts, but thinking is messy and writing is thinking, ergo . . . Great to meet you!

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    1. Thanks! I hope I am open to learning and growing, seeing as how it's too frustrating to stagnate.

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  17. Excellent post. It's never easy, but it sounds like you have determination.

    Thank you,
    Heather M. Gardner
    Co-Host/Admin IWSG

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    1. Thanks, I like to think that I do. Appreciate the drop-by.

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  18. Yes, you do need to pick yourself up and come back to writing. Glad that it's coming easier for you now.

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  19. Writers must be perpetual students as there is no way to know everything about writing. It's an ever-changing fluid art. I'm glad to hear you're seeing the light at the end of that tunnel. :)

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    1. Yeah, you have to keep learning until you get better. It just takes so long, but I suppose that goes to show how hard it is to master fiction writing. It is what it is!

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IWSG: The I-Have-Returned Edition... (#37)

The Insecure Writer's Support Group (IWSG) is a monthly support system for blogging writers in need of finding other writers to co...